Listen to the related podcast episode “Grateful AF” here
Do you ever feel grateful AF? To be completely transparent I have a love hate relationship with gratitude. When it works you can feel like your floating or everything is perfectly aligned in your life, but when it doesn’t, bring on the shame and guilt. Or is that just me? Ya know, like you try to practice gratitude and it doesn’t do a damn thing for ya! then of course you feel like a badperson or ungrateful for not feeling grateful. What’s the point of a gratitude practice if it only brings you shame? Why does gratitude sometimes work and other times it doesn’t? What are things you can do to feel gratitude? These are all things I wanted to figure out and there’s no better time than Thanksgiving.
Why practice gratitude?
There has to be a reason why people choose to be grateful AF, and why the people who practice gratitude are some of the happiest people around.
Robert Emmons says “under crisis conditions when we have the most to gain by a grateful perspective on life.” He says that during brokenness, despair, and the toughest times in life gratitude can provide healing, hope, and help us cope.
Have you ever noticed how happy people seem to be in third world countries? They don’t have as much as many people in the United States, yet they are happy. Why is that?
I truly believe that sometimes less is more. Have you ever cleaned your house and got rid of a lot of your belongings? Along with it comes a sense of freedom! Eventually, the clutter comes back and you can feel the weight of all of your belongings.
Why do we want more when we seem to be more grateful with less?
is everyone on the same gratitude playing field?
Have you ever wondered why gratitude sometimes works but not other times? Me too, so I did a little digging.
Have you ever met those people whom gratitude seems to come easy for all the time? Maybe you’ve thought you wish you could be more grateful! I know I have from time to time. According to Summer Allen, “some parts of the brain might be anatomically different in more grateful people. One study found that people who are more prone to gratitude have more gray matter in their right inferior temporal cortex, an area previously linked to interpreting other people’s intentions.” Summer goes on to say that you can change the makeup of your brain in the long run, by practicing gratitude.
Both genetics and personality types can play a role in how you practice gratitude. Think of materialistic people or narcissists. It’s probably going to be harder for them to feel grateful.
How to be grateful in hard times.
How do you stay thankful when you are stressed out, and life is hard? There’s not a magic pill that’s going to solve the problem. There are times when gratitude has been hard. I try to practice gratitude and it gives me nothing. It doesn’t seem to fill me up. Then I feel like a big ungrateful jerk because it did nothing for me and there I am still ungrateful. Life doesn’t have to be all gumdrops and lollipops, but I don’t want to fake it either.
Podcaster Polly Campbell said “It is during these difficult times that gratitude must become a deliberate, active practice. You must seek it out and when you find it you must celebrate that goodness, soak it up.”
In the article “When thank you is hard” it says “For people who have struggled with guilt over a period of time, Tsang recommends thanking someone who has never been properly thanked, through a gesture like writing a letter. This can be especially useful for people who struggle to thank their benefactors face-to-face, as well as those who have fallen out of touch.” I dunno about you but I am a much better writer than I am a speaker, so that could be a solid option. Whatever you can do that aligns more with who you are will likely give you the most success.
Why is gratitude fleeting?
It’s easy to take gratitude for granted and feel like it will always be there. Well actually that’s probably true for a lot of good things in life! How do you keep it and why is it so fleeting? According to Vincent Nguyen “It isn’t easy. Gratitude is something you have to work on almost every day. Gratitude is always fleeting, so you have to chase it down and hold its hand as tight as you can.”
That reminds me of a quote by Jack London about inspiration, he says “You can’t wait for inspiration you have to go after it with a club.” Maybe the same is true for being thankful. You have to repeatedly seak it out and when you find it, don’t stop. Maybe it’s not supposed to come easy after all and the beauty is in the journey!
According to Brett and Kate McKay “the first obstacle to greater gratitude is simple busyness and distraction. We may feel a sense of thankfulness for someone or something, but it quickly evaporates as our phone pings, our kid cries, or another thought simply intrudes on the moment.” Have you ever tried to go to a quiet room and meditate or be with your thoughts and someone comes around making noise? It can be so annoying and easy to get irritated or distracted. The whole point could just be to notice it and move on. Too often though we are like, oh forget this, so-and-so ruined it for me!
Gratitude practices you can implement to be grateful AF.
I had my good friend Lex Latkovski on the podcast. He lived in a Buddhist Monastery, and I asked him about gratitude. Lex said, “serve somebody…if you’re kind of in a funk or you’re stuck, you’re making it too much about yourself, you’re being selfish and focusing all your energy on yourself, push it out and be not be really nice to somebody show up, serve in any way that makes sense for you financially timewise love wise and stop being so selfish with your energy so gratitude, be great, be grateful that you have other people that you can serve and it’ll change the way that you know that you show up.” That really resonated with me because it’s hard to be both grateful and ungrateful at the same time.
Is there somewhere you can volunteer your time right now? Is there a friend or family member that needs help with something? The year is 2020 and crazy, I would venture to guess a lot of people are struggling and a lot could benefit from what you have to offer.
Another thing you can do to be grateful AF is when you wake up in the morning think of everything you are grateful for. I have found that in the morning is the easiest time for me to be grateful and it can really set the tone for my day!
Try to use a gratitude journal. Write down five things every day that you are grateful for. If that doesn’t do it for you consider writing why you are grateful for it.
Rabbi Jill Zimmerman says to Create a “gratitude jar” – every day, write something you are thankful for on a little slip of paper, and put it in the jar. When you need a lift, go to the jar, which will remind you of something good.
Practice, practice, practice.
From doing different research the biggest thing that I learned is gratitude is like a muscle. It won’t just get strong overnight. You have to keep practicing and flexing that muscle over and over again. Create a habit of being grateful so when the tough times hit you are able to weather the storm.
I would love to hear from you and how gratitude has worked in your life. Are you grateful AF? Have you ever struggled with gratitude like I have? I wanna hear about it!
To your Badassery,
Marie
If you liked this, then check out that!
Listen to Lex Latkovski’s interview “End Procrastination Now,” on the Ordinary to Badass Podcast here!