Hey friend,
How have you been? Have you made any progress on your confidence? Have you taken one small step to improve your confidence since the last time we connected? Give yourself grace, and your confidence will come slowly but surely!
Today I want to talk a little bit about depression and mental health. I talk a lot about empowerment and self-improvement, but it would be ignorant not to address mental health and depression. It is a part of life and something that needs to be acknowledged. If you truly want to embrace your inner Badass, you need to care for yourself in a healthy way. There is nothing wrong with you if are depressed, or if you are struggling with something. News flash: that means you’re human. To work on your mental health, consider doing the following: exercising, seeing a counselor, feeling the feels, and fighting for your mental health.
First let’s talk about exercise. I grew up playing sports, but I never realized the mental health benefits of exercise. For me specifically, I realized the benefits when I started running. I have found that going for a run or a walk really helps to clear my mind and allows me not to stress over the little things. Try exercising with headphones (music or podcasts) and then try exercising without them. They both bring about different experiences. Without any headphone you have nothing but time to think. It may seem dreadful, but it actually allows you to stop thinking about whatever you’re stressing about when your done exercising. When you have headphones on (listening to a podcast for example) it allows you to hear and think of content in a whole new way. Something about exercising while learning, opens up your mind to think in ways you otherwise may not have thought. Maybe your resistance is low since your working so hard on exercising. Either way, It never seizes to amaze me the power of a run or a walk and the clarity that can come with it. I guess that’s where people get addicted to it. When you’re going through stressful times in your life, that is when you need to turn to something healthy. Do yoga or try something new. I think the secret sauce is finding something that you like doing and that gives you a good feeling afterwards. At some point I’ll do another post about setting yourself up for success with exercise.
Feel free to set parameters for yourself around health and exercising. If you are going through something horrible take some time and give yourself grace. Consider setting a parameter of when you will get back to being healthy. For example, if you gain X amount of weight, you will go to Weight Watchers or you could say, you are not going to exercise for 1 month while you grieve a loss of a pet or family member. Just know on day X you are back in business. No excuses at that point. Don’t let it be just another excuse for yourself. It is healthy to give yourself grace and room to breathe, but sometimes the very thing you need is the think you may not feel like doing (exercising).
Dr Kevin Gilmartin suggests you exercise for 15 minutes each day and it provides you with both, health and mental health benefits. I get that you are busy and have a lot going on, but who doesn’t have 15 minutes a day? According to Psychology Today “Three or more sessions per week of aerobic exercise or resistance training, for 45-60 minutes per session, can help treat even chronic depression.” The bottom line is get moving. Whether it’s 15 minutes a day or 45 minutes 3 times a week. Do something to improve your overall health. Consider making it a priority in your life!
It may also be worth it to keep a journal about how the exercise is making you feel. I don’t know about you, but I forget things over time. It is easy to forget the changes that you have made, how they made you feel. So, write it down, so you can review it later. Maybe after a few months of exercising and journaling you look at how you felt when you first started in comparison to how you currently feel.
The second way to improve your mental health is to see a Doctor or a Counselor. Did you just groan when you read that last line? Why is it we go to the Doctor when we are injured or sick, we seek help when we want to lose weight, or go to the gym when we need to get in shape, yet when we struggle with depression or mental health issues, we do nothing about it? We hold it all inside and try to deal with it ourselves. There is so much shame and secrecy around depression and mental health. People think they will be considered crazy for going to a doctor, counselor, psychologist etc., for depression. Truth bomb: some of the healthiest people I know go to counseling regularly. There is something to be said about taking an issue head on and dealing with it. I like to think of mental health in terms of mold. Imagine letting mold grow in your house (eww right?!!!). If you were to let the mold keep growing untreated, it would get worse and worse, and eventually it would take over everything; not to mention it would be incredibly unhealthy. The same is true for your mental health. If you don’t seek a therapist or doctor to help you get rid of the “mold” that’s growing inside of you, it will get bigger, transform into something worse, change forms, and will be incredibly unhealthy. When bad things happen, it is easy to sweep it under the rug and move on, or to just keep sitting there and ruminating on the bad thing. When we ignore the problem, it doesn’t fix anything and leaves you sitting in that moldy house. Try to keep your body and mind free of toxic mold and get treated for whatever issue you are having.
There’s a quote by an anonymous person that says, “Worry is like a rocking chair, it will give you something to do but it won’t get you anywhere.” We can sit with our depression, anxiety, worry, and grief and not get anywhere, or we can take-action, and try to figure out how to deal with the issue at hand. Deal with trauma, depression, grief and whatever turmoil you have. It is hard for us to rise-up to our potential the be our best when we have so much stuff that is weighing us down.
The benefit of having a counselor or therapist is they provide a lending ear. They may ask you questions to help you uncover your own feelings and answers, or to help you find a different way of looking at things. There is something to be said about talking to someone, that you likely won’t see in your daily life. You can do the diarrhea of the mouth thing and its okay. You know, like when you’re on a first date and you overshare way too much information, and you get that bad feeling in the pit of your stomach? Or you have the overshare hangover the next day? Well guess what? You can do that your first time with a counselor and it’s okay. This is one place oversharing is welcome! You don’t have to worry about sensitizing what you say, which is nice. In essence, it can be an unfiltered, raw version you, and the counselor can hopefully provide an objective point of view.
I do not claim to know it all about depression. I am not an expert in the field. Have I struggled with depression? Yes, I did for many years. Have I lost a family member as a result of long-term depression? absolutely. I have also gone to a few counselors in my time. My experiences are all I can base my opinions off. I think you need to go and do what feels right for you. There are many options out there for mental health professionals; if one doesn’t feel right to you, find someone who does. Don’t let one bad experience with a mental health professional, prevent you from finding someone else to talk to. It can feel daunting or overwhelming going to a therapist (let alone finding a new one when the first didn’t work out), but your mental health is worth, you trying again. It isn’t about them, it’s about you. If you are in the weeds and can’t see out, consider talking to a friend or family member who can see out of the weeds for you. Maybe they can take the reins and help you get to a doctor or counselor. Jim Rohn says “You cannot take the mild approach to the weeds in your mental garden. You have got to hate weeds enough to kill them. Weeds are not something you handle; weeds are something you devastate. One way to devastate them is by seeking help!
I know what it feels like to have any decision feel like it is too much of a challenge to decide one way or the other. You are not alone. Asking for help when you need it is pretty Badass! Why is it we look up to people who can be vulnerable, but we struggle with being vulnerable and asking for help ourselves? If it was your friend who was struggling, would you want them to ask you for help? Be that friend to yourself.
Are you tired of your current situation? What are you doing to change it? If you are depressed and doing nothing to change that, this next fable about Rover is for you. Everyday a man (let’s call him Michael), took a walk after work and he saw his neighbor’s dog (Rover), sitting on the porch crying. It seemed like every time Michael walked by, he heard Rover crying and it went on for a long time. One day Michael saw Rover’s owner and asked why the dog was crying. The owner said Rover was sitting on a nail. Michael asked why Rover wouldn’t get off of the nail and the owner replied, “well it’s hurting him just enough to complain about it but not enough to do something about it.” Are you like that dog sitting on the tack, complaining about your situation and your life? You have the ability to do something about it and to make a change. If you are unhappy and/or unhealthy, please don’t wait to fix your situation. Your mental health is priceless and shouldn’t be undervalued.
The third way to improve your mental health is to feel the feels. When life gets tough, you have to feel the feels. Meaning you must really feel the emotions you are going through and stop masking them. If you want to be healthy then feel sad when you are sad and happy when you are happy. Experience that emotion in the moment and don’t push it away. We often expect that we should be able to be happy our whole life, but that just isn’t realistic. I heard Brooke Castillo (host of the podcast The Life Coach School) say people want to be happy all the time, but that would mean you would have to be happy through the hard stuff. Do you want to be happy when someone close to you dies? She also said you should expect to feel happy 50% of the time. I believe it’s the acknowledging of your emotions that matters. You don’t have to fix the emotion, you just need to acknowledge that you feel it. Try to feel the feels without judgement of yourself. Just notice those feelings are there and move on. It’s when we ignore our emotions or try to mask them with drugs, alcohol, food etc., that it becomes unhealthy. I always thought powering through stuff was the way to go. Just toughen up and get over it. A counselor pointed out to me that it’s easy to ignore our feeling and power through something, the hard work is acknowledging the feelings we have. Where did we get this idea that we have to be so tough, or that we must instantaneously get over things? Or the idea that really stepping into our emotions is weak? Acknowledge your emotions friend and don’t be afraid to sit with them.
Lastly, you need to fight
for your mental health every day. Having strong mental health during the
good times will help you to keep those habits during the bad times. You can do
that by doing all the things mentioned above (exercise, counselor, feel the
feels). If you don’t fight for your
mental health all the time it is easy to let it fall by the waste side when
things get really tough in life. It’s
almost better to make it a habit to take care of yourself regularly, or in the
very least have a mindset that seeking help is okay and is something you are
willing to do when needed.
Think of every horrible thing that has happened
to you in life. Matter of fact you may want to write them down.
Have you experienced abuse, death, loss, divorce etc. now, think of a
girl scout. Every mission that girl scout accomplishes she gets a little
button on her vest. Those buttons help remind her of all she has been
through and that she’s a warrior. That Girl Scout is just like you
friend. You have likely lived through some horrible things, but you are
still here living your life. Although some of those holes can never be
filled, they have likely taught you something about life. Wear those
scars like a badge of honor. Not everyone can get through them, but you
did. Those things that were sooo hard for you or soooo traumatizing for
you, are the very things you can help someone else with; they also made you
stronger and more resilient! Remember, when you help someone else, it
takes the focus off of your own pain. Use your history to propel you
forward and help others. Stay in the
game, fight for your mental health, and don’t let life’s circumstances take you
down.
It is our duty to take care of our mental health in any way we can. Also, to support our friends and family who
are going through it. There isn’t a
cookie cutter way to getting healthy.
Ultimately you have got to do what is right for you. If you cannot see through the haze, it’s time
to lean on someone close to you who you know loves you. I
cannot begin to tell you how much I want this for you friend. I want you to take care of you and get
yourself right so you can thrive. Remember, life isn’t all gumdrops and
lollipops, but it is still pretty sweet!
In my next post I will be talking about a badass woman Malala Yousafzai, what she did and what we can learn from her.
Marie
P.S. I would love to hear from you and how you’re doing on this journey, in the comments section below! I have created new Ordinary to Badass Facebook group so we can continue the conversation…I would love to see you over there!!!! https://www.facebook.com/groups/2024253447694052/?source_id=996077157246398