Everything you Need to Know, to Overcome years of Self-Limiting Beliefs!

I recently discovered two important lessons about self-limiting beliefs that I can’t wait to share with you because I think they could have a big impact on your life.

I learned that I need a tribe of people who are willing to challenge me (in a loving way) and support me through my journey in life. 

The second thing I learned was that I need to do regular check-ins with myself about the stories I am telling myself.

Let me explain…. 

Recently I realized that most people put up invisible walls and have limiting beliefs. I am a part of a mastermind group.  Jeff Goins, who leads the group, gave us a group assignment. There were no real parameters given to us. A bunch of grown adults who are business people started getting nervous and freaking out a bit (myself, included)! What would we do without guidance or a framework? The following day Jeff told us the deadline for the assignment but suggested we figure the rest out on our own! This put people into a tizzy.

While my group was working together, I realized we all had invisible walls, self-limiting beliefs, and lines that we had drawn in the sand. When you work with a group of people those walls may need to come down.  I, for example, am used to doing things my way, in my business.  That’s how things get done.  I’m not used to having to do things other people’s way or on their time limit.  At the moment it was hard for me to remember, there’s no one set way of doing things! Everyone has different ideas.  Someone else’s way of doing things may be better or more effective than mine!

Finding out your self-limiting beliefs is so important because you could be limiting your potential! If you aren’t working with others or getting feedback from those around you, you may be falling into this trap without even knowing it! When you think you can’t do something, ask those around you to see how they’d deal with it.

If you have a lot of resistance towards something, it could be those dang invisible walls. At the time, I believed we created those walls as a form of self-protection. 

I didn’t have all the answers, I just knew that I wanted to look more into self-limiting beliefs.  True to my nature (as a Law Enforcement Officer and an Enneagram #5) I decided to be the investigator, to figure out what was going on. It seemed so easy to spot other people’s invisible walls, but it didn’t seem so easy to see my own. I wondered; how do you spot your own self-limiting beliefs? Once you spot them, what do you do with them?

I went on a journey to find out how to identify some of our self-limiting beliefs.  I found these 3 ways; which I think you will find useful!

The first way to find your self-limiting beliefs is described by Andrea Schulman; she says look at the excuses you are making as to why you can’t get find what you want.  She suggests you ask yourself, “Why can’t I have the thing I want?” I suggest you write down your answers.  Once you are done with that list, she suggests you look for opposite evidence.  Let’s break it down and give example’s! 

Now that you know what a self-limiting belief is, you may be asking why you would want to change?!  We are all on a journey of Badassery which requires us to step out of our comfort zones.  You sometimes have to do stuff that makes you feel uncomfortable.  Just because you feel uncomfortable doesn’t mean you shouldn’t do it!  Don’t worry, you will eventually start to get comfortable stepping out of your comfort zone (in time).

First, let’s get down to basics.  What is an invisible wall or a self-limiting belief?  They are your views and perceptions of yourself and the world.  For example, you may view yourself as poor or struggling financially.  You think you could never be well off.  You say things like “there isn’t enough money to go around.”  Maybe you think that because of your past experiences or how you were raised.  The belief is limiting, if it doesn’t serve you.

Another thing you can do to find your excuses is to listen to how you talk.  Whenever you say the word “but,” an excuse is likely to follow.  There’s a great book about excuses called All Buts Stink! How to live your Best Life and Eliminate Excuses by Walter Bond.  Write those excuses down because you’ll likely find a limiting belief behind them!

The second way to find your self-limiting beliefs according to Medium.com is to make e a list of ways that you feel challenged in your life.  Look at all areas of your life, finances, relationships, work, goals Etc, and see what challenges you face in each area.  Maybe you feel like you can’t lose weight or you will always be overweight.  Write down all of the reasons you feel that way.

Be brutally honest with yourself when you’re writing these down.  It’s not a time to judge yourself.  If you have thought it in the past, write it down!

The third way to identify your self-limiting beliefs is to use the fill-in-the-Blank method as suggested by Thinkgrowprosper.com.  When using the fill-in-the-Blank method look at situations you are struggling with.  Matter-of-fact go ahead and write down every situation you are struggling with, in every area of your life.  Then look at each situation specifically and fill-in-the-blank to this sentence: I can’t do this because _____________.  What did you come up with?

 Click here to see my video breakdown of the 3 Waysto identify your self-limiting beliefs!

Now that we’ve identified our self-limiting beliefs, let’s move on, shall we?  I wondered, why do we get self-limiting beliefs?

The first reason you may have a self-limiting belief is that you got it from other people.  Marie Clair is a B.A.S.E. jumper who did a TEDx talk about social and self-perceived limitations.  In that talk, Marie said other people didn’t like her being a B.A.S.E jumper because of their own biases about girls doing that sort of activity.  People said she couldn’t because they believed they couldn’t do it.  Marie warns to be careful not to limit others with our own beliefs.  Maybe we get some of our self-limiting beliefs from other people’s limitations that they have for themselves.  Your parents likely raised you with their own limiting beliefs (not realizing it of course) and passed those beliefs down to you.

Before I started researching self-limiting beliefs, I thought they were caused as a form of self-protection.  I didn’t find a lot of evidence to support that.  I did find an article by Psychmechanics.com that stated “if we try to do something and fail, we are likely to come up with cool theories as to why we failed, even if these explanations have no basis in reality. We have to explain away our failure so that we can make peace with it.”  That may be a form of self-protection.  Failing is hard and often doesn’t feel good.  To move on we have to find some sort of justification for it or be able to understand it.

The third reason why you may have gotten a self-limiting belief was because of Past experiences. According thriveglobal.com “when you experienced an EMOTIONALLY overwhelming situation that caused you to feel overwhelmed when you were a child, your mind looked for a way to help you and save you. Since the mind was on a developmental level of let’s say a 3-year old or a 6-year old, the way it protected you is it created an interpretation of the events happening to you, so you could cope and adapt to them in the best possible way.” The article says you do this as a form of survival.  Remember the way you interpret things as a kid is different than how you would interpret things as an adult.  The thing is, oftentimes as an adult we don’t go back and reevaluate things that happened as a child.  For example, as a child, you parents may have told you not to wear shorts because they were too short or they said no those aren’t appropriate for you.  It’s possible that you were self-conscious about your weight and took it to mean you couldn’t wear those shorts because you were too fat.  Now as an adult, you can reflect on it and understand where your parents were coming from.  Maybe you wouldn’t want your daughter wearing those short shorts!

Now that we’ve identified our limiting beliefs and why we get them now, let’s talk about how to Challenge your limiting beliefs.

The first way to challenge your limiting belief is to research it. Entreprenuer.com says “If you have thought backwards, forwards and all around your mental block to no avail, take to the Internet and research how other people have approached the issues you are trying to solve. Break down what makes their ideas work, gain inspiration from their theories, then slowly create your own ways of doing things or understanding different concepts.”   Next time you have a mental block, you should consider analyzin other people’s ideas!  Who has gone through what you have gone through and overcome it?  Get online and see how someone else solved the problem.  If they did it, you can too!  We are in the age of technology and the answers are probably at your fingertips!  Remember you are not the first person who has gone through this and probably won’t be the last!  Use your resources to your advantage.

Another way to challenge a limiting belief is by becoming an expert at something that is challenging you.  Gala.com says we often create barriers because of a lack of experience or knowledge.  If you do more research, learn more and practice you will likely feel more confident in addition to gaining experience and knowledge.

Lastly, you can challenge your limiting belief by asking the right people the right questions.  Have you ever asked someone a question, because you knew they would give you the answer you wanted to hear?  You knew that they were negative or they wouldn’t push you or challenge you…so you asked them their opinion.  I know I have. 

My favorite article I found was “Imagined Limitations and the glory of freedom,” it was a parable of a king with a beautiful Peregrine falcon that wouldn’t fly.  The king had his people attempt to get the bird to fly, with no luck.  He then called in an expert to help.  A farmer.  The farmer got the bird to fly.  The king was baffled at how the farmer got the bird to fly so he asked the farmer how he did it.  The farmer said he cut the branch and the Falcon flew.  It is so easy to get trapped in a certain way of thinking or doing things, that we forget the simple answer that is staring us in the face.  If it isn’t apparent to you or it’s difficult for you then make sure you are talking to and asking questions of the right people. 

You could also take Tony Robbins’ philosophy and ask better questions.  Tony Robbins says “Successful people ask better questions and as a result, they get better answers.”  What questions are you asking?  Are you asking a question to get the answer you want to hear? Are you asking the right question to the right person?

If you are still running into problems with your limiting beliefs, consider the possibility that you are only looking for proof of your limitations.  According to Candace Van Dell, “we start looking for proof of the limiting belief or what we think is the reason, rather than letting it be.”  Ask yourself, are you only seeking out the information that supports your theories?  Consider looking at all points of view.  Consider searching for information that is the opposite of what you believe, at least that way you are well informed!

Here’s what I have learned from diving into mental blocks and self-limiting beliefs.  I am grateful to be around my mastermind group and others who push me to recognize those limiting beliefs and self-sabotage.  I probably wouldn’t stumble upon it on my own.  If I did, it would take me a lot longer to figure it out!  Find yourself a tribe of people who are willing to push you (in a loving way) and support you! 

I also realized that maybe I need to do regular check-ins with myself about the stories I am telling myself.  Let me explain.  A few years ago, I was $106,000 in debt.  At that time, I thought I was always going to struggle with money.  I also associated my story with my parents’ story when I was in a completely different situation than them (career-wise and familywise).  My parents had 6 kids, which can have quite an impact on their wallet!  I didn’t realize my limiting beliefs until I took Financial Peace University.   Once I paid off debt and got my finances squared away, I realized I could save money and had a goal to one day be a millionaire.

Although I discovered one limiting belief, and the results changed my life, I didn’t think to look into what other self-limiting beliefs I may have.  This was a reminder to me to check in with myself every now and again about what challenges I’m facing and what beliefs could be behind them!

Stop limiting your potential friend.  Identify your limiting beliefs, and tackle them one at a time.  This won’t change overnight, but you will be one step ahead if you look at your self-limiting beliefs and try to challenge them.  In the great words of Leo Tolstoy, “Everyone thinks of changing the world, but no one thinks of changing himself.”

Comment below or in the Ordinary to Badass Facebook group and let me know what one of your limiting beliefs is. 

Also, I created a free resource for you because I want you to succeed in challenging your limiting beliefs.

Click here to get the resource!

Marie