Rumor Has it!

Are you ready for the down and dirty truth about rumors and gossip?  Lean in friend, I will tell you more.  The truth is words have power.  Take a second to think about what you say before you say it.  When you hear words coming out of someone else’s mouth, take a second to digest it, before spitting out a response.

Let’s pause a second before we get to far into talking about rumors, and talk about last weeks post, and running your first marathon.  Have you considered training for a Marathon or race?  Have you started a daily running habit?  If something is stopping you, I gotta know, what is it?!

Let’s get back to the discussion on rumors and gossip.

Don’t assume everything you hear is accurate. 

Don’t believe everything that is told to you is accurate.  Don’t even assume that you heard it correctly.  One thing is for sure, you heard it through your own filter or lens and it was told to you through someone else’s lens.  What is a lens?  Think of it like this, A photographer takes a picture and uses different lenses to view the outside world.  Just like the photographer, we have a lens we use to view the world.  We use that lens when we talk and/or listen to others.  This lens we use, it’s based on our life experiences up until that point.  That is how we interpret the things around us.  It doesn’t mean the information is accurate or inaccurate, it just means we should consider what lens someone is using to filter information.

Being the keeper of a rumor, makes people feel powerful.

Sometimes people think they hold the power by having a rumor, or a secret on someone else.  They want to share it with others, because it makes them feel important.  All of the attention is on them for a moment, while they are relaying the information to others.  Once you release that rumor to the world, everyone else is applying what you said through their own filters.  Remember the game telephone that you played as a child.  Where you say a word, phrase or sentence and then you whisper it down the line of people.  By the time it reached the last person, they have heard something crazy, that may or may not resemble the original message.  The same is true with gossip…it may or may not resemble the original message. The power is in speaking your own truth, and letting others speak theirs. Think to yourself is this my information to share?

Here’s the problem.  When a friend tells you about gossip or something that was said about you, you take it as fact, and probably hold a grudge against the person who made the initial statement; you don’t even take into account the errors that occurred during the relay of the message (like the lens it was said through, or heard through).  Your friend was coming to you as a friend and they likely had your best interest at heart, but there is still room for error or misunderstanding.  Consider that, the next time someone comes to you with information. 

When you hear someone spilling the beans about others, what do you think?

I don’t know about you, but when I hear someone talking badly about others I think, man what do they say about me when I am not around?  If they will tell someone else’s secret or dirt, you can bet they will tell yours. Remember, the same is true when you spill the beans about something. Others are wondering to themselves if you can be trusted! 

You are not under any oath to tell a friend if someone said something bad about them.

Just because something is said negatively about your friend, doesn’t mean you have to tell them.  You may be doing your friend more harm than good, by telling them.  Maybe you think you are protecting them.  You tell them what you heard, and it all backfires.  They see things differently and are now looking for the problem.  Think of the reason you are sharing information with your friend or another person.  What will they gain from the information?  What can they do about it?  Some information might feel good to share, but it isn’t actually helping anyone.

It is so easy to repeat what you hear, and so hard to shut your mouth. 

It is easy to talk badly about other people, or to repeat the rumors that you have heard.  The hard thing to do is to stop the rumor right where it is.  It can be really hard not to repeat what you heard especially if you got in the habit of doing so.  Next time the situation comes up reflect on it.  You can get joy from spreading new information, but it doesn’t mean it’s right to do so!

Don’t talk smack about those who do you wrong.  Believe me, it can be ohhh so hard.   When someone offends you, hurts you (verbally) or does you wrong, it is so easy to scream it from the mountain tops, and tell everyone, what a jerk that person is.  It is hard to remain quiet, and not gossip about what happened.

Let’s get out a few clarifiers, I am not talking about abuse here, if you are being abused, I am not suggesting you remain quiet.  You have to do what is healthiest and safest for you!  I’m referring to friends, co-workers, family, supervisors etc., and verbal disputes.  Say for example a boss disciplined you, and you felt you hadn’t done anything wrong.  The normal thing, is for people to complain to anyone who wants to listen.  The tough thing to do, is to accept it for what it is, and move on.

Venting to 1 person is different than gossiping!

I think venting is okay, if you tell 1 or 2 people and stop there; be done talking about it.  When you are angry or upset it is good to have a sounding board.  Sometimes it’s better to have a sounding board that is chill and doesn’t easily overreact to things.  They can hear you out, but will also tell you if you’re over the line.  I once had an incident at work where I was yelled at.  I was quite upset and told a co-worker.  The co-worker asked me, “Are you sure that he said those exact words to you?  Because that doesn’t sound like something the Jack I know, would say.”  I realized maybe that was what I interpreted, not what was said.  In that moment, and later, I really appreciated my co-workers calm and reasonable demeanor.

You do you!

The more that you are confident with yourself and act true to who you are the better you will feel.  Part of being confident is knowing who you are and what you stand for.  Other people can say whatever they want about you, but that shouldn’t matter.  Your actions speak for themselves.  Your actions speak louder than someone else’s BS rumor.  Don’t concern yourself with other people’s opinions of you.  It’s a waste of time.  Be true to yourself and the truth will shine through (to the people who matter anyway)!

Tips:

When you hear gossip or rumors remember to ask/tell yourself:

What lens is the information going through? 

The person who told you the information, didn’t hear the facts; they heard their version of the facts. 

Their version may not be the same as yours, let alone the person who first made the statement.

Other people’s opinions of you don’t matter and should be none of your business

What purpose does it serve by repeating the information you heard?

Who is it benefiting by you repeating this information?

Friend I hope that you found this article useful.  Please let me know in the comments, how you feel about this topic!

Today: Pay attention to what you say and what others say to you.

Until next time,

Marie

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