Should You Tough it Out or Cry Like a Baby?

What does it mean to be tough? Do you consider being tough a good thing or a bad thing? I grew up thinking it was good to be tough. I didn’t cry very often and I tried not to cry when someone upset me. Why? You might ask. I thought it made me look weak to cry and that it gave the person who made me upset, too much power over me. As a result, I bottled up my emotions. As I’ve gotten older, my opinion has changed. While it is good to get up after you have fallen, it’s also okay to cry, if that’s how you feel. It is “tough” to show real emotion and to feel the pain. Let’s explore this idea of being tough a little bit more, shall we?

How do you become tough?

I often wonder how does someone get tough? Is it from childhood experiences and how they were raised? Was it a learned behavior? Or even a practiced behavior? Professional Hockey player Duncan Keith says “Everyone thinks toughness is something you are born with; toughness is a choice.” I believe that sometimes you have to decide to tough it out. If you’re not determined to tough something out, you won’t do it at all. For example, when I try something new and suck at it (like when I joined Martial Arts) I have to consciously decide to tough it out until I get better at it. When something is hard, or you feel as though you look stupid doing it, it’s hard to stick with it. Give yourself some grace until you get the hang of it, and then you can quit if you still want to.

On the other hand, Former Navy Seal Jocko Willink says if you want to be tough, be tough. Do the things that tough people would do. Jocko, for example, gets up at 430 am every morning to work out. If you’ve ever followed his Instagram page, he often posts a picture of his watch when he wakes up in the morning. Sometimes you have to act as if you’re that person that you want to be. Act as if you’re a morning person for a month, and see how you do.

When is it good to act tough?

Have you ever wondered when you should act tough and when you shouldn’t? Consider acting tough when you want to be tough like Jocko said. Act tough if you want to believe in yourself. Maybe you try to act tough because you are constantly letting people push you around. So you put a stake in the ground and say what you are and aren’t willing to put up with. Side note, Henry Cloud’s book Boundaries is good if you want to start setting boundaries and standing up for yourself.

I believe you shouldn’t act tough if you can’t back up your words. Say, for example, someone is looking to fight, and you know darn well you are not a fighter. Well in that situation, I don’t suggest that you act tough because it may put you in a worse situation. You remember that kid in school that instigated fights but would miraculously duck out of school before the fight took place? Don’t start something you don’t want to finish.

What happens when you are sad but you try to act tough?

I have both experienced and seen other people show fake toughness. Usually, it occurs when someone hurts your feelings, and you try to “tough it out.” It feels as though toughing it out will block you from the hurt or heartache. Maybe you think it’ll be easier to move on if you don’t get emotional. In the video, “This is how weak men deal with emotions,” it says “you need to take the necessary steps to get emotions out of your body or they will always stay inside of you.” I have found this to be true in my life. The more you hold things in, the more they bottle up inside of you. There is also a tendency to lump new problems with your old problems, and the problem grows, because you didn’t deal with them in the first place. For example, when someone has relationship baggage, and they move onto a new relationship; they bring old baggage with them. If you let out the emotions and feel the heartache before moving on, it can help you get closure.

Does physical toughness come from mental toughness?

Do you think physical toughness comes from being mentally tough, or Visa Versa? I am a strong believer that mental toughness comes first. Here’s why I say this. I joined Law Enforcement and compared myself to other police officers and lost my mental toughness and doubted my physical ability. I joined Mixed Martial Arts and lost even more confidence. I couldn’t be physically tough until I got my mental toughness back. In case you’re wondering, I got my mental toughness back by consistently and persistently practicing Martial Arts. Jui Jitsu Times has an article about physical and mental toughness and said “Being mentally tough will take you as far as you want to go. I cannot tell you how many times I have experienced or have seen others experience, what I like to call The Mental Block. Whether it is in training during rounds or in competition, the body is moving but the mind is not in sync with it. The mind is an amazing and complex piece of work. If you can train your mind the right way, you will be able to overcome any boundaries that you may face.” Your mind can conquer the physical hurdles you face if you let it!

In the end, I don’t know if you should be tough or not. I’m going to have to leave that to you. I want you to be healthy and happy. A little mental toughness can’t hurt though right? As with anything I think there is a beauty in balance. Catherine Pulsifer said “ Too much of one thing can end up creating stress; this is something no one needs in their life. But living life in balance can provide harmony and peace.”

What do you think about being tough? Are you physically or mentally tough? Does it help you or hinder you? Leave a comment and let me know your thoughts!

Marie

P.S. Today: Find a balance between being tough and showing your emotions!

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