Hey there, I hope your new year has brought you health and happiness! How are your goals coming along? If you are not where you want to be there is still time! After all, after today there are 349 days left in the year! What were your new year’s resolutions? If you are anything like me, one of your new year’s resolutions was to lose weight or to get in shape? If so, I would like you to think about how many years, in the years past, that you have set those same goals. I swear, at least one of those two goals are on my list every year. Even at times when I have been in the best shape of my life, or the thinnest in my life, I still felt like I needed to do more or lose more.
Have you ever looked at an old picture and been like daaaang I was skinny, and then you thought, I wish I was that size now! Really?!! The thing is, were you happy at the time the picture was taken? It gets me every time, because usually (for me anyway) the answer is no. I often wish I had appreciated my body more when I was thin or when I was in shape. The same thing holds true for running. As I have mentioned before, I have run a few marathons. There was a time when I was in the best shape of my life and had lost a bunch of weight. I still felt like I could do better, or what I had accomplished wasn’t good enough. Matter of fact I wouldn’t even call myself a runner until I completed my first marathon. Even then I felt like I got the title of being “a runner” by default, since I had finished a marathon. What is it we are striving for here with regards to our body, weight and appearance? Why are we not happy no matter what we achieve? Or if we are happy, the happiness seems to be fleeting.
Ladies, that brings me to another point, how do you feel about your body? Are you confident with your weight, and appearance? What would make you feel more confident? Consider writing it down. It is interesting to see how you will feel once you arrive at that place, where you thought you would be confident. I believe sometimes we just have to be satisfied and confident right where we are. For example, I currently have weight I would like to lose. However, I know that my body isn’t going to change overnight. What is the point of stressing about it, and having negative self-talk about myself? you cannot beat yourself up over past decisions or over what got you to where you are. Stand in your own skin and be confident and own who you are. Chances are you have been through some challenging situations in life but you have come through it. You can get through this too. Also, who cares what other people think about you or say about you. Honey, by this age, people either like you or they don’t. And, if someone were to focus on your weight, they wouldn’t be your friend anyway. Matter of fact, I would argue that we care more about our own body (shape, weight, appearance) than anyone else does. That reminds me of a time when me and my best friend of a bajillion years lost touch because of our own body shaming. It’s a little bit embarrassing and ridiculous but it goes to show you, the stories we tell ourselves are important. So here it goes…. my friend Jan and I lost touch for several years. At one point she reached out to me and wanted to meet up, but I just couldn’t bring myself to respond to her. I adored her and wanted to see her but I was so depressed and upset about my life and how I looked. I was embarrassed for her to see me at my current state. I dropped the ball and we didn’t meet up. About a year later I was feeling better and reached out to her; only this time she didn’t respond to me. Years later we met back up and both of us mentioned how we had been so embarrassed of how we looked and the weight we had put back on; we determined that was why each of us hadn’t reached out to the other. That is what held us back? Now from the outside it seems ridiculous right? When she told me why she hadn’t wanted to meet me, I said “that’s crazy friend, I don’t care what you look like or how depressed you are. I am your friend and want to be there for you.” It wasn’t until I said that to her, that I realized how messed up my own thinking had been. If someone is your friend you shouldn’t exclude them from the hard parts of your life. Believe me, they want to be there for you! So allow them to be! We can’t keep telling ourselves these stories that once we feel better about ourselves (our body, our appearance, or our lives), then we will reach out to our friends, or accomplish the next big thing. You must do it now. Time will not change your self-talk. You have to work to change it right now!
A positive self-image isn’t about once you do this or change that, then you will become prettier. You have to be okay with who you are and how you look now. Own it! Whatever it is that bothers you, OWN IT! Have you ever met someone with a unique feature and yet they own it? I love that. It becomes part of their personality. Or better yet, someone who changes what they thought of as a flaw, but to you it seemed to add character. Once it was gone it felt like something amazing had been taken from them. Think of Cindy Crawford with the mole on her face. She could have gotten rid of it, but she didn’t. That became her signature thing, and people loved it. So, I beg you to embrace it! Whatever that thing is for you, embrace it, own it and find a way to love it. Let that feature add charachter, not take away from it.
I recently went to the movie about Rachel Hollis (Author of Girl Wash Your Face), and she talked about an event she had put on. Rachel had all of the women in the room who hated their appearance stand up. She said it blew her away because nearly all of the women in the room stood up.
Often times as women we do so much for everyone else, yet we don’t do enough self-care for ourselves. We need to take care of and love ourselves first and foremost. We cannot continuously cast our needs aside. What is the cost of doing so? Who are you really hurting? Your kids see you and will mimic what you do. Don’t they deserve to see their mom happy and pursuing her dreams? Of course, they do; and in turn they will be more likely to pursue their dreams!
Consider paying attention to how you talk to yourself. Are you beating yourself up over stuff that is out of your control? Often times we talk to ourselves worse than we would let our worst enemy talk to us. Write down every bad or negative thing you say to yourself in a day. I would bet you don’t even realize how bad you treat yourself. Evaluate everything you wrote down and ask yourself if you would let someone else talk to you that way. If you would allow other to talk down to you, we will talk about that in a future blog, but for now we will focus on your self-talk!
I recently listened to Amy Purdy talk on The School of Greatness podcast. Amy is a double amputee who competed in the Paralympics, is an author, actress and also competed in Dancing with the stars. She has accomplished so much. On that podcast Amy said “use what you do have. Focus on what you have.” We often focus so much on what we don’t have that we forget about the things that we do have. Stop focusing on the weaknesses of your body, appearance, your weight, or whatever your thing is, and focus on your strengths! Not only will others appreciate you more, but it will help you to appreciate yourself more.
Lastly, I want you to know. You can choose to love yourself (your body your appearance) unconditionally right now. If not now then when? The alternative of loving yourself unconditionally now, is you will have 20, 50, or 70 years of heartache and self-shame ahead of you. Your appearance may never change, but your mindset can! The choice is yours.
Here are a few thoughts on how you can stop negative self-talk and body shaming.
-Exercise regularly- go for a walk or a run. The benefits of this are often undervalued.
-Have a phrase to say to yourself when the going gets tough. This can be as simple as I am beautiful!
-Appreciate your body and what it does and allows you to do. For most of us our legs allow us to get out of bed every day, not everyone has that luxury.
-Embrace your strengths- Focus on what you do like about yourself.
– Write down every bad or negative thing you say to yourself in a day. Evaluate everything you wrote down and ask yourself if you would let someone else talk to you that way. Consider writing down the opposite of those things you listed, and begin saying those things to yourself.
I would love to hear from you in the comments section. About what you are struggling with or what you previously struggled with and how you got through it.
Thank you, my friends! I hope to connect with you soon.