Introverts, think you need to be the star of the show every time you go to a gathering? There’s a misconception that we have to show up like extroverts show up to a gathering, and it’s simply not true. Trying to show up like someone else is exhausting, so let’s find a new way of doing things. Here’s a system you can implement immediately to be quietly confident when navigating social situations.
First, be a TED and not a TING. What does that even mean? You are probably wondering. Be interested instead of trying to be interesting. When you go to a gathering, focus on being interested in what the other person has to say instead of thinking of something interesting or entertaining. Think about the last time you really connected with someone you met but didn’t really know. Chances are they took an interest in you and asked you questions instead of talking all about themselves.
Introverts and extroverts alike need to practice this skill of being a TED. You will build deeper relationships this way and can avoid the small talk, which most introverts hate! Adam McHugh states, “Introverts treasure the close relationships they have stretched so much to make.” By stretching your comfort zone, you may be more likely to make lifelong friends.
I heard the concept of being a TED or a TING in training, but I cannot find the original creator of the saying. Let’s take it one step further and explain how to be a TED.
How to be a TED
Thoughtful– In your conversations with others, be thoughtful. Genuinely listen to what they have to say and thoughtfully respond. If you enjoy the conversation, remember what they told you. Maybe they told you something about their kid Joe. If you remember that information, you can bring Joe up in a future conversation and ask about him. This will show thoughtfulness and can deepen your bond with people you meet. It also takes the pressure off of having to talk about yourself.
Empathetic- When you’re listening to other people, show empathy about what they are going through. Just being empathetic and listening goes a long way. Most introverts are great at listening anyway. By showing empathy in conversations, you can demonstrate that you really care about other people’s feelings and experiences, and this fosters trust and creates a space where the other person feels comfortable sharing more.
Deliberate– Be deliberate about your conversations with others. If you are going to talk to someone, and as a result, it will likely drain some of your energy, be deliberate about who you talk to. If you are being a TED and are not connecting with the person you are talking to, it’s okay to move on and talk to someone else. You can always get up to use the restroom and find someone else to mingle with when you’re done.
TED example
Okay, ready to see an example of this in action? Head on over to the Ordinary to Badass Podcast and have a listen. Since I’m not a big talker, I have always used a similar method on the Ordinary to Badass Podcast. You’ll notice that most of my questions are based on something that the person being interviewed said.
Socializing can be challenging, but it doesn’t have to be overwhelming. Give the TED method a try this week, whether you’re at work or in the company of unfamiliar faces. Prepare to be astonished by the insightful anecdotes people share, and you might uncover a wealth of information about them in just a few minutes, surpassing what they’ve revealed in years.
The TED system takes the stress off of socializing. After using it, you may no longer be quietly confident but instead just confident.
To your Badassery,
Marie